Tampilkan postingan dengan label jokes. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label jokes. Tampilkan semua postingan

Selasa, Oktober 06, 2009

Theory And Experiment

Posted by Andre Rahardian at Selasa, Oktober 06, 2009

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    • "A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it.

    An experiment is something everybody believes, except the person who made it."

    -- Albert Einstein --

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    Senin, Oktober 05, 2009

    Denda dan Pajak

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Senin, Oktober 05, 2009

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    • Denda adalah pajak untuk melakukan sesuatu yang salah.

    Pajak adalah denda untuk melakukan sesuatu yang benar.

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    Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

    Bad News and Good News

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

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    • A patient was at her doctor's office.

    Doctor: "I have bad news and good news for you."

    Patient: "Tell me the good news first?"

    Doctor: "You only have six months to live."

    Patient: "And what's the bad news?"

    Doctor: "I should tell you that six month ago but I forgot."

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    Freedom of Choice

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

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    • It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

    "What are my choices?" he asked.

    "Yes or No," she replied.

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    Biology Revisited

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

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    • When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
    • Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
    • Thesaurus is an ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
    • It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
    • Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
    • Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.
    • Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
    • Sterility is hereditary: If your grandfather didn't have children and your father didn't have children, you won't have children too.
    • Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    George and Moses

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

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    • George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

    George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses."

    The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

    George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses".

    The man continued to peruse the ceiling.

    George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses".

    The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am".

    George W. asked him why he was so uppity and the man replied, "The last time a bush spoke to me I ended up spending forty years in the wilderness".

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    The Audition

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

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    • “What kind of music do you sing?”

    “Aqua-pella.”

    “Don’t you mean ‘a cappella’, singing without instrumental accompaniment?”

    “Nope. I mean ‘aqua-pella’, singing accompanied only by the water coming out of the shower-head.”

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    Four-word story of employment

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

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    • 1. Hired
    2. Tired
    3. Mired
    4. Fired

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    What the ..?

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

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    • - Is there another word for synonym?

    - What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

    - Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

    - If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

    - Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

    - If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    Preacher and Drunk Cab Driver

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

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    • A preacher dies, and when he gets to Heaven, he sees a drunk New York cab driver who has more crowns. He says to an angel, "I don't get it. I devoted my whole life to my congregation."

    The angel says, "We reward results. Did your congregation always pay attention when you gave a sermon?"

    The preacher says, "Once in a while someone fell asleep."

    The angel says, "Right. And when people rode in this guy's taxi, they not only stayed awake, but they usually prayed!"

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    The Specialist

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

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    • A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.

    On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.

    On his third visit the doctor told the man, "Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft."

    "But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."

    "I know," said the doctor, "I can cure pneumonia."

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    The Four Stages of Your Life

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

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    • 10. You believe in Santa Claus.
    20. You don't believe in Santa Claus.
    30. You are Santa Claus.
    40. You look like Santa Claus.

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    Getting Rich Lawyer Style

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

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    • A man phones a lawyer and asks, "How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?"

    The lawyer replies, "A thousand dollars."

    "A thousand dollars!" exclaims the man. "That's very expensive, isn't it?"

    "It certainly is," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    Is The Judge Clean?

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

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    • At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

    The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't hear the question.

    "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated

    The witness still did not respond.

    Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

    "Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    Preposition

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

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    • A gentleman wanders around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approaches a student and asked, "Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?"

    The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, "I'm sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!"

    The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, "I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, stupid?"

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    Do Not Exist

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

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    • An honest politician, an honest lawyer, and an old drunk were walking along when they saw a hundred-dollar bill laying in the street. Who gets it?

    The old drunk, of course. The other two are mythological creatures.

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    Orang Utan

    Posted by Andre Rahardian at Minggu, Oktober 04, 2009

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    • One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orang-utan was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.

    In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?

    "Well," said the orang-utan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

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    Rabu, Juli 29, 2009

    Satu Menit Saja

    Posted by Andre at Rabu, Juli 29, 2009

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    • Mbah Surip diberi kesempatan bertemu dengan Tuhan dan bertanya.

    Mbah Surip: Seberapa lamakah seribu tahun bagi Mu?

    Tuhan: Satu menit.

    Mbah Surip: Seberapa banyakkah satu trilyun bagi Mu?

    Tuhan: Satu rupiah.

    Mbah Surip: Tuhan, berilah aku satu rupiah.

    Tuhan: Tunggu satu menit.

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    Jumat, Juli 17, 2009

    Frog's Love Life

    Posted by Andre at Jumat, Juli 17, 2009

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    • Recently, a frog went to see a psychic and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

    The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

    "No," says the psychic. "In her biology lab."

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia

    CIA - Computer Industry Acronyms

    Posted by Andre at Jumat, Juli 17, 2009

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    • - ISDN: It Still Does Nothing

    - DOS: Defunct Operating System

    - WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

    - OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too

    - PnP: Plug and Pray

    - APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

    - IBM: I Blame Microsoft

    - MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

    - MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

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    Location: Banjarbaru, Indonesia
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